The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
