is your mom at the bar?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize