I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
