I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
