Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
