I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
