I am in a vortex of obligation.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
