I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize