You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
