ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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