he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
