Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
