I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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