did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
