if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
