Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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