how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
