I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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