I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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