I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
