The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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