There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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