im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
