I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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