In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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