you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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