Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
