youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
