I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
