you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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