last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
