I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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