I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
