Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
