i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
