My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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