One girl and one boy is just not enough.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
