That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
