Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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