Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
