im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i would punch a child for taco bell
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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