She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
