I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
