Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
