3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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