Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
