So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
