I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
