Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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