I'm going to jail i love you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
