this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
