naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
