She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
