Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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