If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
