I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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