There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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