she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
