Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
