He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
