would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
