I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
