Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
