it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
