I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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