he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
