I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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