What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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