how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
