Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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