check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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