He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
